Why is it that when you completely break it off with someone, the other person lays it all on you?
No matter how hard, how much effort, how much sweat and tears you bled into the relationship, the other person always blames you. The other person always plops down on the pity-pot and points a figure at your shredded heart blabbing about how much you tore them up and how much more tempting death is compared to a life without you.
I wanted love, trust, commitment, faith, and companionship. Sure, I had that, but he disappeared without ever saying "good-bye" or "I'm leaving for a while but I promise I'll find you when I come back". When he did, eventually, come back, there was no trust. He had broken my heart so completely, taking my trust and faith with it, and yet...I still tried to take him back.
Like an idiot, I tried to take him back.
It didn't work. I couldn't trust him anymore.
So, I broke off the engagement. Yes, we were engaged. I broke it off last summer but he was desperate to still be friends. He threatened suicide! So, I attempted to be friends with him. It didn't work out...all he talked about was having sex with me, marrying me, or cuddling with me and kissing me! I couldn't take it!
I broke off all ties with him a week ago and he just snapped.
He blamed me for every last thing that went wrong in our relationship and constantly talked about his broken heart and how I played him and strung him along like a sick little puppy waiting for me everyday to just look at him.
I am so SICK of it!
He needs to mature and finally stop playing games. I am so surprised I put up with him constantly expecting me to always be there. Like I don't have a job, hobbies, or school besides waiting on him hand and foot! Holding up HIS emotional issues when i'm fragilely dealing with my brother's divorce and my family falling apart! My friends having children without married parents or with absent fathers and my friends either dying or losing their homes!
And he told me that I am immature.
If I were immature, would I had been so utterly honest with him?
Would I have gone through everything like I did with him?
I tried my hardest, and when I knew I was only still with him because of pity, I knew I had to break it off. So, I did. And I was 100% honest with him out of respect and courtesy.
Was I so immature?
Did I just do everything wrong?
WARNING:
I would like to put a disclaimer on the following first chapter of my highly subjective novel...but I'm afraid I cannot do so because everything you read has come from my heart, my soul, and my book-twisted mind. If you are insulted by anything following this point, simply stop reading it and go to something else. It's not that big of a deal, so please save you, and me, all the pain and trouble. I am European but mostly Native American, so I with hold the right to say anything I like about my heritage. It is all my opinion, and yes, I know how it truly happened, I am simply placing my thoughts to "paper", so to speak. Thank you. Have a nice day. =)
Star Dust
Once upon a star dust's time, North American soil had never seen abuse. She had never felt the harshness of snow skin hands and she had never been weighted down by titanium or steel factories.
Once upon a stone's throw, her people consisted mostly of pure-hearted lovers and clay skin farmers. America's people once reflected her very America's very essence. They loved without holding back and they fought to survive.
America's original people fought everyday to live.
Native Americans belonged to Mother Earth. They tilled her soil and cleansed her waters. The Natives loved her terrain and maintained her clean atmosphere. Natives committed no crime in order to incur Europeans wrath.
Natives were the first, the only, inhabitants of America for centuries. By all rights, the earthen ground "Americans" now tread so arrogantly on belongs to the Native Americans and always will.
Yet, Natives were long ago banished from their lands to foreign ground. They were forced to breath alien air and learn Eastern concepts and languages. Their bloodlines were even diluted with European blood. Rape, slaver, and murder were not uncommon. The Europeans savaged Native American's land, massacred their people, raped their women, and pillaged their villages. Still, Europeans called Native Americans "barbarians" and "savages". The Europeans looked down their elongated snouts at the Natives because Native Americans did not dirty their hands with the possession of guns, ships, armor, or any type of "sophisticated" weaponry.
Native Americans were poisoned by Europeans. They were corrupted by Europeans fancy trade lingo and their ridiculous "high-priced" ideals.
Europeans yearned for gold, glory, land, and God. They truly believed in "El Dorado" (The City of Gold). They ached for expansion of their old lands and their steadily over populating cities. The one noble reason they had for the invasion of Native land was their religious ambitions. Their need for religious freedom. There was, and is, one exception to that "noble" reason: If they truly invaded Native American soil ignorant of her occupants and searched only for religious freedom, then why start a campaign to slaughter an entire race?
Answer: Europeans feared that which they did not understand. As does the entire human race. The Europeans felt threatened by that of which they knew nothing about.
The intruders committed an extremely hasty decision that held enormous repercussions. They assumed the offensive against the Native Americans. Especially those select few tribes who relied on other Native tribes farming and hunting. Those few aggressive tribes who only knew how to steal and fight well enough to survive.
Yes, that's right, even centuries ago people were the same. Society still stands unshaken hundreds of years later.
There will always be good, pure-hearted people, and then there will always be the complete opposite. Both consistantly residing next to the other. Sitting at the same table, eating the same food, and breathing the same polluted air.
The only way to seperate the two extremes from the other, the only way to reveal their true nature, is to develop and possess a solid system. Even then, evil can be deceitful. True evil owns the ability to be cunning, to be deceitful and hidden. Evil can deceive the most seasoned of soldiers, the most experianced of detectives, to easily pass as good, solidly pure - hearted.
Europeans did not even have a crumb of such technology as we possess today. They were no where near to our political or economical systems. They did not have a judicial branch to judge. They only possessed their highly confused beliefs and ignorant, but solid, mindsets.
That very confused race of people completely believed they were superior to everyone and everything. With that mindset placed first and foremost, they quickly began their lowly attempt to force the Natives to believe in European superiority, also.
